| This... | ...really means: |
| This is trivial | I forget the proof |
| This is obvious | You forget the proof |
| This is a calculation | Let's all forget the proof |
| Clearly... | Obscurely... |
| Send me your preprints | Please go away |
| Send me your reprints | Please stay away |
| I'll send you some of my papers | Drop dead |
| Look it up in Dunford and Schwartz | In your face |
| Go ask Prof. Smith over there | In his face |
| Let's make an appointment and talk about it | In my face |
| Read my book | I don't know |
| That problem is intractable | I can't do the problem so neither can you |
| I thought about that question twenty years ago, but I forget the answer | I'm more famous than you are |
| That's the most insightful question I ever heard. Let me think about it | You're more famous than I am |
| Let's write a joint paper on that | We're equally famous but I'm lazy |
| He's one of the four greatest living mathematicians | I don't know anything about his mathematics, but this is what Andre Weil said |
| What are some applications of your theorem? | What _is_ your theorem? |
| I don't understand that step | You goofed |
| How do you reconcile your theorem with this example? | You're dead |
| Your theorem contradicts my theorem | I'm dead |
| I've heard so much about you | Stalling a minute may give me time to recall who you are |
| Who was your advisor? | What rock did you crawl out from under? |
| What was your thesis about? | Are you still polishing your thesis? |
| Where do you teach? | Do you have a job? |
| Your talk was very interesting | I can't think of anything to say about your talk |
| I read one of your papers | I wrapped fish with one of your papers |